I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
