I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
