all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
