dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
