I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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