One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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