There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
