I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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