I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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