I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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