I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
