Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
