SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
