Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
