The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
