Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
