yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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