New invention idea: vibrating tampons
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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