On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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