too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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