No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
