So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
