i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
