i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
