At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
