I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
