Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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