her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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