She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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