he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
