i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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