Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
