sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
