This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
