yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
