I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
