Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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