I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
