just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
