K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
