haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
