1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
