never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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