I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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