would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
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I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!