Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
