so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb