stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
