my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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