I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
