Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
