im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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