HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
