Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
