Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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