He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
