Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
