I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
