yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
