He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize