thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Randomize
