she told me i tasted like america
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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