I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
