I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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