Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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