So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
