Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
