I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
