I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
