Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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