You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
