If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
