i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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