Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
