Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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