I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
