That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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